I seem to be enjoying these honesty things I find...maybe I'm just trying to kill time.
Always wanted to ask me a something? Heres your chance! Ask me a question, any question, and I'll answer it honestly, then post this in your journal and let your friends ask you.
also going to screen these comments! Ask me anything...as many questions as you want. I'm bored enough to answer them all. I love that the internet creates this screen so I feel I can be open about stuff I probably wouldn't say face to face. anyway, go for it.
to anyone that replied to that "what do i really think of you" post...I screened comments on that for the first time. did you see my replies? I dunno if I did it right.
I hate when I don't have the guts to say "call me call me call me please, I need to talk to you. I need to talk to someone."
I need to pack my room up, I wonder what I'll do when I come to the random crap that I haven't thrown out:
an empty cigarette packet
an old lemon sherbert wrapper
whats the point in keeping them? but I don't want to throw them away. I hate that I attach such meaning to random objects.
and of course I'll have to sort all my junk out into two piles - stuff I'll be taking to America; stuff I'll be leaving at home. Takes too much thought and brain power.
I felt like shit yesterday. Today is much the same. I need to call work to see if they have shifts for me but I don't want to because I've left it so late.
In 3 hours I'm supposed to be giving a paper in that I haven't even looked at yet. I can't concentrate at all. All I can think about is America. I spent all night working on a project that has nothing to do with uni. I just don't care about it all anymore. Send me to America and get me away from it all.
So this, combined with I Will Come To You being on, led me to cry when Maree sent me the graphics she'd made for me. I thought about getting shitfaced. I seem to be leaning on alcohol again, minus actually drinking it. I just feel like I want to whenever I'm not feeling so good because I know it'll help me get it all out and then I'll feel better. It would probably also end up in me calling people and saying things that I shouldn't, so maybe its not a good idea.
Its the family Christmas meal on Friday. I'm pissed off, firstly because its at that damn carvery again. I don't like that place, plus I think Christmas meals with the family should be at someones house. Secondly because we always meet up after Christmas, and usually its even after New Year. I wanted to invite Lauren and Jos but theres no way they'll be able to come now when they'd have to be travelling home on Christmas Eve. I don't know who the fuck arranged this meal but its shit. fucking shit wank fuck.
I ate an entire selection box yesterday. I had no other food in the flat. I'm a fucking pig.
How heavy do I journey on the way,
When what I seek, my weary travel's end,
Doth teach that ease and that repose to say
'Thus far the miles are measured from thy friend!'
The beast that bears me, tired with my woe,
Plods dully on, to bear that weight in me,
As if by some instinct the wretch did know
His rider loved not speed, being made from thee:
The bloody spur cannot provoke him on
That sometimes anger thrusts into his hide;
Which heavily he answers with a groan,
More sharp to me than spurring to his side;
For that same groan doth put this in my mind;
My grief lies onward and my joy behind.